Love

Love and language

A lot of people have been commenting or asking about the language thing, especially in the beginning of our relationship. I have heard people say that they could never be with a person who doesn’t have the same mother tongue as them. And I get that. It is a big thing, and I have also had my doubts about it.

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Aquí y ahora, Tenerife

I would say that for us both our own language is extremely important, and we’re both really good with our mother tongues. Maybe for me speaking English comes a bit easier, but David’s English has developed so much throughout the time that we’ve known each other, and I’m super proud of him. And in general, coming from Spain versus coming from Finland really gives you kind of different basis with any foreign language.

Being in this relationship has definitely made me more practical with English: I don’t care anymore about using fancy words or aim at perfecting my accent, the important thing is being understood. Nowadays I mostly choose the most functional word (though I’ve never really been the person using inexpensive instead of cheap). I’d also say that my accent has become more Finnish: for example sometimes my r’s are more distinctive.

At the moment I would say that we don’t really struggle with our communication. Of course sometimes when you’re hungry and tired it might be frustrating to try to remember the word for that thing that you can’t even remember in Finnish right now and arghhhhhh!!!

But then again, when you’re hungry and tired, tell me something that isn’t frustrating. (“Hangry” seems to be my state quite often….)

A real pro side of the situation is that when you don’t speak your mother tongue, you have to think about what you’re going to say a bit more carefully. And at least for me it also helps with making sense of my own feelings and emotions and thoughts in general.

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In der Liebe ist Alles, Vienna

One thing that is good is that our common language, English, is not the own language of either of us. Maybe I’m wrong, but maybe in that case, when only one person would be playing in the home field and the other one would always be the guest, it would sometimes be a bit unequal in a way. (If you are in a relationship like that, please do leave a comment and let me know how you feel:-))

I would really like to know David in Spanish, because he is so great with that language. The little that I understand from when he’s properly speaking it, is wonderful. One day! I also hope that one day he will get to know me in Finnish. Also it would be nice that he would for example be able to read my articles and texts and give his opinions about them.

I’m not going to lie. Sometimes I feel a bit blue about the concern of never going to be able to have a conversation with the language I love the most with the person I love the most, but then I just have to have faith in David’s diligence with Finnish. Maybe it’s not even about the having a conversation part, but playing with the language part that I miss the most. But in here I think it’s important to prioritize things in life.

A really important thing is that we are both studying each other’s languages. I personally have no other choice, because otherwise I can’t communicate with David’s family. And I do feel like I’m progressing quite fast. During the spring I was also taking a course at school, and that was really helping especially with the grammar part.

David was attending a Finnish level one course, and he was working hard with it. I’m really happy about that. It’s also important in that way that without Finnish it’s quite challenging to find jobs in here.

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Love is the answer man! Tallinn

Of course there is sometimes a feeling, a fear: “what if we don’t actually understand each other?” But maybe that is a general fear among humans, the fear of nobody truly understanding you, being all alone. A bit more concrete worry is that if there are some misunderstandings, what if they go unnoticed and will cause trouble or hurt feelings? And yet again, I really think that this same worry or risk is present in same-language relationships as well.

Yet another thing is how the language barrier affects not just our relationship but a lot of people around us. But I think that would deserve a post of its own…

Summa summarum: sometimes it’s difficult, most of the time it’s not, and it’s definitely worth it.

– Tia


 

Amor y Lenguaje

Un montón de gente ha comentado o preguntado como llevamos eso del lenguage, especialmente al principio de nuestro relación. He escuchado gente que nunca podrían estar con alguien que no tenga la misma lengua que ellos. Lo entiendo. Es complicado, y yo también tenía dudas al respecto.

Podría decir que para ambos nuestro propio lenguaje es extremadamente importante, y los dos somos muy buenos en nuestras lenguas maternas. Tal vez para mi hablar inglés es fácil, pero el inglés de David ha mejorado mucho desde que nos conocimos hasta ahora, estoy muy orgullosa de él (yo también). Y en general, venir de España contra venir de Finlandia realmente te da diferentes bases en cualquier lenguaje.

Estar en esta relación  me ha hecho mas practica con el inglés: no me importa si usar palabras sofisticadas o perfeccionar mi acento, lo importante es ser comprendida. Ahora utilizo palabras mas funcionales. Podría también decir que mi acento es mas finlandes, por ejemplo: las R’s son distintivas.

En estos momentos voy a decir que no tenemos problemas con nuestra comunicación. Por supuesto cuando estas cansado o hambriento puedes agobiarte tratando de acordarte de esa palabra que ni siquiera te sale en tu propia lengua ahora mismo y… ARGHHH!!!

Pero entonces, cuando estar cansado y hambriento, dime algo que no sea una frustración.

El verdadero lado positivo de la situación es que cuando no hablas tu propia lengua, tienes que pensar acerca de lo que vas a decir con mas cuidado. Y así, al menos para mi esto ayuda dando sentido a nuestras emociones y sentimiento y pensamientos en general.

Nuestra lengua común es el inglés, que no es el propio idioma de ninguno de los dos. Tal vez estoy equivocada, pero quizás en este caso, cuando una de las personas juega en casa y la otra es visitante, podría llegar a haber un desequilibrio. (Si estas en una relación así, por favor deja un comentario y déjame saber como te sientes :-))

Me encantaría conocer a David en español, porque él es un genio con su lenguaje (el amor es ciego, y sordo). Lo poco que entiendo cuando él habla propiamente, es maravilloso ¡ algún día! Yo también espero que algún día él me pueda conocer a mi en finlandes. Sería muy lindo que él pudiera leer por ejemplo mis artículos  y darme su opinión sobre ellos.

No te voy a mentir. A veces te embajona saber que nunca va a ser posible tener una conversación con el lenguaje que amo con la persona que amo,  por otra parte tengo mucha fe en el aprendizaje del finés de David.  Capaz no es ni siquiera el hecho de tener una conversación, sino mas bien el poder jugar con el lenguaje es lo que mas extraño. Sin embargo, aquí otra vez  creo que es mas importante saber que priorizar.

Algo realmente importante es que ambos estamos estudiando el idioma del otro. Personalmente no tengo otra opción, porque de otra forma no podría comunicarme con la familia de David. Ahora estoy en un curso en la universidad y siento que mi progreso es muy bueno y rápido, especialmente en la parte gramática.

David esta yendo a un curso de finlandes nivel 1, y se esta dejando la piel ahí. Estoy realmente contenta por eso. Es también importante destacar que es re complicado conseguir laburo sin finlandes.

Claro, esta ese sentimiento, miedo: “¿y si en verdad no nos entendemos el uno al otro?”. Igual, capaz es un miedo general de todos los humanos, el miedo de que nadie te entenderá de verdad. Una preocupación un poco mas concreta es ¿y si hay malentendidos que pasamos por alto, sin ser notados y causan problemas o hacen daño? Otra vez, siento que este problema también esta prensente en las relaciones que comparten el mismo lenguaje.

Summa summarum: aveces es difícil, mayormente no. Definitivamente vale la pena.

– Tia

Last days in Vaasa – Chau first chapter

12.4.2017

Last days here, naked walls, empty cupboard and fridge, and a lot of space start to develop nostalgia even when we haven’t left. I miss it and we haven’t left.

This is always gonna be our first house, just Tia and me. Somehow it has a strong and gigantic emotional value. It has been a really good battle for our relationship to live during winter in such small summer city.  We really have worked out our muscle of communication and resistant of patience.

I mean that because our studio is/was like 30 m2: bathroom and one room: kitchen, living room, bedroom. More than once one of us has felt suffocated by the smell of cooking food. Or saturated by the fact that you can’t leave the room after a discussion. But still, this didn’t make any wound that didn’t heal and all of the scar has made us stronger and compatible, and over all of this, the ministrawberry on the strawberry on the cake is that we have now high levels of understanding and tolerance.

There are people I would like dedicate this post and give special thanks for helping us:

Special thanks to Aino who has shared her furniture and kitchen tools so we could have human conditions to live in.

Jari and Eeva for all the support and advice and positive energy.

To my sister Carla who came here to see us and push me forward when I was feeling a bit defeated.

To Bea and Juhana came and helped Tia a lot with packing and moving most of the stuff to Helsinki.

The first chapter of Noric Faro

—> Second: Helsinki and Slovenia-Vienna Trip

– David

Why would I change my comfort zone for Love?

Just after having spent almost the whole exchange together we both were conscious that distance could be a big test for our relationship. In fact, it was.

Tia went back home and her family prepared a big welcoming party because they are like sweet sugar cotton. Then she got a job in customer service for one of our “things”, selling ice cream. (During our time in Maribor, we ate huge amounts of ice cream from Ilich – one of the best cafeterias of Slovenia. We were so frequent customers, that we got some volume benefits on the ice cream portion.) Continuing with Tia’s arrival, so her family and friends were joyful with her coming back.

When I arrived in Tenerife my family and friends also were excited about me coming back. The difference was that I stayed there for a week and then I came back to Maribor, to do some extra exams. I spent a large number of hours in library, but also with Ryan and friends. Nevertheless, when I was at home the lack of Tia was so deep on the chest. You are able to actually feel gravity oppresing weight down to you. I tried to fulfill the emptiness with hard work in the library and having fun in the afternoon, but still. That last month there, thank god that Ryan was there, he helped me a lot.

Then 2016 academic year was ended.

September in Tenerife, It means sun, good weather, thousand of alternatives, but I was missing Tia like one who missed those summers when you were a kid. I felt like that was my permanent state of being. I wasn’t able to be in social enviroments, it was difficult to talk with people who I didn’t know and to be in meetings with more than 4 people. I was rushing the time so somehow I would be closer to reach Tia sooner. Each of all  my decisions were focused on being together: I changed to distance university, so I could continue studying; I organized all my money so I knew how long I could be there independently; we found a place to live; I bought the flight tickets.

Here I am, sometimes I feel overwhelmed for culture and for not having income.
But I am happy, because all my wishes right now are just material or vain.
I am happy because I am every day with a woman who does every action with love and kindness. I am happy because even though the problems and the battles we stand up together and solve it and reinforce our connection.
I am happy because I am doing what I want the most with the person I love the most.

-David

THE BEGINNING

19th of December 2016 – 3rd day in Finland

Since I met Tia Maria Vahasarja I knew that one day we would be living together so here I am, in dark and cold but humble and prosperous Finland. Winter temperatures around minus 15 to 1ºC. She lives in the small city of Vaasa where Sun is very shy and goes up often at 10 and leaves more or less at 14, barely perceptable and without warmth to offer.  At the moment we are in a shared flat where Tia has been living last couple of months while I was in Tenerife. We got to know each other in Slovenia in 2015 during Erasmus exchange programme. October 13th was our first date. She was dressed up in pink, I was in black. Eventually, we became serious, It was 8th December when we had the conversation. So it means that basically we have lived in the same place before, although there is a slight difference between now and then. Back then we somehow knew that one day we will separate and see what’s going to happen. Now it is very different, now we dont have “departure day”.

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At Savica waterfall, Slovenia, April 2016

 I was born in Buenos Aires, Argentina, one of the southest countries in the world. My chilhood and part of teenage life was there, I still remember when I got my first bus card. I was 8 years old and by the age of nine i had taken all the lines in Mar del Plata. Sometimes I was just on buses for two hours making the whole cycle. Just after my 16th birthday my sister came to pick me up so that all the sibilings would be living together, so I moved to Tenerife, Spain. Already going to the north.

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16 years old in Tenerife

When I got into university I had heard about Erasmus exchange programme, so my aim was to be able to go somewhere. I will never forget when I was choosing destinations. My choices were: 1st Germany; 2nd Poland and 3rd – where can I go? This list isn’t long but I don’t know where… Italy? France? Slovenia… This sounds exotic – I didnt’t even know where it was located. The exchange was supposed to be from September to January, but just after a month there, and meeting Tia I was sure about prolonging my period. So luckily we both were able to do that. Pretty impulsive but the only compass was our hearts, and both shared same direction. Eventually we finished the exchange, she went home and so did I. Immediately after arriving I changed to distance university. But 4 months separeted was enough to pack my life in two bags (20 and 10 kg) and move willingly to Finland. It has been a long journey navigating from the south until this nordic land where the constellations and Nordic Faro have guided me. To find the salvation and love.

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Vaasa, January 2017

– David